In a Memento

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A gray midday spotlights on an upright rectangular pane. Water spills onto the dusty glass as if to clean the filth that lingers on the other side.

A frail, petite frame is laying on a twin sized bed. Slowly, she extends her arms and legs in opposing directions awakening her senses while freeing her emerald eyes from their lids.

“Ahhh” releases from her lips while sitting up and draping her legs over the side of the bed.

“Oh shit! Where’s my phone?!”

Her hands flailinging hunt through the white snack stained sheets.

“Got it!” She holds it as if it’s a trophy.

Her feet race to the bathroom located through a white wooden door in  the bedroom. With the insert of a thumb into the elastic band and a hippless waist wiggle her sleep shorts are at her ankles. Morinne’s  elbows are resting on her knees while she taps away on the touchscreen of her smartphone. Her body sits in a 45 degree angle on the frigid white seat.

“Hehehehe…groupchat was crazy last night”

This is the Happiness she lives for.

“Oh…aww” her head tilts to the right with a lovestruck grin “Drewwww! He said good morning beautiful”

” I hope he’s coming by later” her smile holds for a beat then she snaps out of her daze.

“Let’s get the day started” her feet steady to the floor before her legs straighten and lead her back into the bedroom.

Morrine’s throne hisses behind her then fades to silence while she plops onto the unmade sheets. She reaches her right hand towards her head scratching her scalp lightly to not disturb the messy nest held by a skinny elastic on top. Her twig of an arm points forward holding a slim silver remote.

“I can’t wait to catch up on Netflix” the TV chimes on.

A golden midday spotlights onto a rectangular window pane. The sun gleams through the dusty glass as if to overpower the gray filth.

A frail, petite frame is laying on a twin sized bed. Slowly, she extends her arms and legs in opposing directions awakening her senses while freeing her eyes from their lids.

“Ahhh” releases from her lips while sitting up and draping her legs over the side of the bed.

“Oh shit! Where’s my phone?!”

Her hands flailinging hunt through the white snack stained sheets.

“Got it!” She holds it as if it’s a trophy.

Her feet race to the bathroom located through a white wooden door in the bedroom. With the insert of a thumb into the elastic band and a hippless waist wiggle her sleep shorts are at her ankles. Morinne’s elbows are resting on her knees while she taps away on the touchscreen of her smartphone. Her body sits in a 45 degree angle on the frigid white seat.

“Hehehehe…groupchat was crazy last night”

This is the Happiness she lives for.

“Oh…aww” her head tilts to the right with a lovestruck grin “Drewwww! He said good morning beautiful”

“I hope he’s coming by later” her smile holds for a beat then snaps out of her daze.

“Let’s get the day started” her feet steady to the floor before her legs straighten and lead her back into the bedroom.

Morrine’s throne hisses behind her then fades to silence while she plops onto the unmade sheets. She reaches her right hand towards her head scratching her scalp lightly to not disturb the messy nest held by a skinny elastic on top. Her twig of an arm points forward holding a slim silver remote.

“I can’t wait to catch up on Netflix”. The Tv chimes on.
Curiously peering through the square shaped window held by Morrine’s locked door.

“She seems harmless…poor girl” Sandra says.

                                                             “Hmmmph…not really” Patty snickers.

             “Oh come on…I heard she had a six figure job, luxury apartment, and handsome fiancé before ending up here.”

                                            “Yea …and…thanks to CATCHING  her handsome fiancé with another woman….poor girl …”  Patty nods her head left to right. “She had a nervous breakdown and couldn’t function”

Sandra stares observantly at the patient with pity in her eyes. 

“She taps on a disconnected smart phone and watches movies on VHS all day”  Patty says before a long pause.                                 “I wouldn’t want a man so handsome to ruin my life; causing insanity to become my eternity ” She matter of factly adds.

“They. Never. Found. The. Body” she nods with every syllable to Sandra. 

The two women swivel their hips,  pivot from the door and  stroll away in unison.

A blue midday spotlights on an upright rectangular pane. Fluffy flakes dance outside the dusty glass as if taunting the filth that lingers on the other side.

A frail, petite frame is laying on a twin sized bed. Slowly, she extends her arms and legs in opposing directions awakening her senses while freeing her emerald eyes from their lids.

“Ah…”

*pronounciation: Main character’s name Morinne sounds like Mawr-in or more-in

** for a better understanding of this piece and where the ideas came from read Memento Mori (the short story) by Jonathan Nolan. 

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Transformation

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A 5’8″ shirtless muscular male is slowly pacing through a dimly- lit  kitchen while holding a smartphone to his ear.  He stops in his track,  tilts his head back and  lightly closes his eyes as the street light reveals his arched brows, chiseled jaw, and enticingly plump lips. He lets out a silent sigh.

“I know baby,” he says “yes… yes… I won’t be late tomorrow. No worr…”

The muffled sound of a female’s voice pouting filters through the phone causing him to pause. “This doctor is one of the best, baby!    I’m so excited, but I want to make a good impression…you know for our bastard child”

“No worries” he replies to assure her.

Female voice continues. “I wonder if I’ll still be pregnant on our wedding day or if you’ll wait to propose after the baby is born. You know our child deserves…”

He cuts her off “Hey my love, please go get your rest …tomorrow is a big day for us. I love you.”

She sniffles “Yes, okay baby. I love you too. Good night.”

He looks down at the smart phone in the palm of his hand, places his thumb on the red button to end the call and lays the phone on the kitchen counter he is standing next to.

“Aaaargh!” He groans while lacing his fingers through his messy cropped haircut. Shaking his head left to right in disbelief he walks through the dark warehouse loft to the living room area. His body plops on the dark chocolate leather couch face up. His eyes stare at the ceiling as if searching for an answer.

I can’t believe she would do this to me!

The woman of my dreams is lying to me?! Faaawck!

I mean… no one is perfect, but it took me most of my life to get to where I am. Hmmph…                          7 years ago she wouldn’t have wanted me. but NOW, I’ve got  a vacation home in Belize, town home in L.A, a digital marketing firm, amazing abs and I’m a new                   MAN!  This bitch wants to take me for all I’ve got!!!

I know what my problem is…the sex is too good (sly smirk),       but

Billie Jean won’t be framing me…hmmph.

I’m 100% sure I’m not the father (impersonating Maury Povich) ha! ha!         She would have a fit if I told her I got a vasectomy or something.

Nah! I can’t keep lying to her.

Would

she

forgive

my

actual truth?

I don’t want to scare her off  and       I don’t want to lose her.

I did always want to be a parent.

Do I want to knowingly raise another man’s child? Some baby making man’s child?

Or should I keep my mouth shut because she does want to be with me

and

I’ve come a long way since I was a confused woman waiting for her operation.

 

trans-shave

The downside of common sense

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Hear me out first please…

Just like how the saying goes “ignorance is bliss”. I can’t agree more.

I get a twisting, anxious, flutter in my stomach  when I witness someone do or say something that reflects complete ignorance. The feeling worsens when I try to help someone out of their foggy stupor. My frustrations say “slap them out of it!” while my common sense says “girl you can’t handle what might come after that slap”. 

After realizing I am an adult with responsibilities I force myself into a mental hermit crab-like shell. At this point I can only turn away to not witness someone being informed and still making a bad decision or still not understanding the light being brought to them.

Examples

1. Bad spellers. I have friends who have not been hired, or passed certain tests because they don’t know the difference between woman (singular) or women (plural) and so on. They wonder why they are not taken seriously and I just wonder how often they read – like real published books not their friend’s status check ins.

2. Side chicks. He only calls you certain times. You never met his family or friends. He doesn’t like titles. He’s inconsiderate about your time. He hopes you’re not jealous, because he’s going to be in SO many situations that will make you question his loyalty. Even if you really are the only woman (singular) that he’s seeing; do you really want to spend the rest of your dating or married life second guessing or making excuses for why you’re still with a shady guy? If your answer is yes then let’s not be friends. Ok?

3. Financially irresponsible people. I’ll always remember my college days when a bunch of us worked on campus making $9/hour which was big money to us. When payday came around we’d leave campus to go to the mall, movies, or order take out. I’ve  had a car and a cell phone since I was 17 so I knew to put aside money for gas and my monthly cell phone payment every pay period or month. What drove me crazy was knowing fellow dorm mates who got paid same time I did, but they were broke the next week. They ordered the same take out or saw the same movie I did but didn’t think about making their money last longer. Their lack of thinking ahead meant they couldn’t drive the next week or their phones got cut off. 

I’d say ” you got paid last week. Why is your phone cut off?” They’d reply “I spent the money already. They should’ve sent the bill last week”. When I noticed the pattern I started to distance myself. 

4. People who always need help. I don’t mind helping anyone if I am capable, but my gears grind when people repeatedly need assistance. They get themselves into situations, but think everyone else is supposed to help them out of it. They can’t pay their bills so someone else should handle it. They have the newest of clothes, shoes, or technology but since they don’t drive someone else is supposed to give them a ride. Now that I think about it; maybe they do have enough common sense to prey on people willing to help. Hmmm

5. Social media disclaimer re-posters. I crack up at people who copy and paste the disclaimers that say “…channel 13 announced Facebook will be charging people or publicly sharing your photos unless you copy and post the status saying you don’t authorize it.” If Facebook is going to charge you they will send you a bill. That status means nothing. As for your photos, as long as ONE person sees your pics online; ALL of your images and status updates are fair game to the WORLD.

Common sense is a learned practice. We learn it from our experiences and what we are exposed to, but we also learn from realizing what we do want and do not want to happen in our lives.  One thing’s for sure – I’ve got to stop explaining it to people before I end up being one of the no common sense examples.

The Mister

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A slim 28- year= old brunette  sitting in her parked car in front of a large brick 3-story home. Her car is at least 7 years old, but her mani-pedi is fresh and her jeans are barely broken in. The car is filled with the essence of an overpriced sweet floral perfume.

Corrine: …so, I just arrived at my boss’s home for this dinner. I hope this means she likes me and wants to promote me. *pause* I miss you baby *whining*

*a masculine  voice  filters through the speakers of the car*

Him: You’ve got this baby…and I miss you too.*pause* I tell you what..I’m going to hurry up with this workout and get back home to you.

Corrine:                                                                               That sounds perfect babe! I’ll make those protein muffins you love. Sheesh, I’m going to be an amazing wife to you some day *she unfolds the sun visor revealing the mirror to check out her reflection* Around what time do you think you’ll be by? *she combs her hair with her fingers and lightly re-twirls it into  spirals from her roller set*

Him:                 I’m sure you will, but let’s not rush baby. I’ll see you around 9.  *he replies in a  happy tone*

Corrine: Sounds good baby *she smiles* I’m going to go now. I’ll see you later. I love you

Him: Okay later baby. I love you too.

Corrine: *presses red button on smart phone to end phone call, grabs her bag then steps out of car. She takes another glance at her reflection while pushing the handle of the car door to close before heading to the house*

*the sound of a male singer crooning over the sultry-snazzy tone of 80s jazz music whispers from inside the house*

Corrine: *walks up the arch shaped driveway in the front lawn and rings the door bell*

*moments later the door opens revealing a 5’8″ dark haired woman. She is older than Corrine, but her mature features are sultry and timeless in a Catherine Zeta Jones way*

Patty: Well hello Corrine. So glad you made it *in a calm yet enthusiastic tone while opening her arms for a warm embrace* Have a seat in the living room. I’ll be right in. I’m on the phone with my husband. *she leads Corrine through the foyer to the living room at the right of them*

Corrine: I understand completely. *she replies reassuringly, while inhaling the savory smell drifting through the house*

Patty:                                                      You know boys will be boys *she smiles then turns towards the dining room that seems to lead further through a maze*

*Corrine sits in the living room on a stiff taupe leather couch. She lifts her right leg and angles it over her right knee. The couch slightly squeaks with her movements*

Patty: *returning to her guest* Let’s chat in the kitchen. I have a lovely red wine *she gestures towards the area she just came from*

Corrine: Sure. You have a lovely home Patty. How long have you and your husband lived here? *she exclaims while standing then following her idolized boss through the foyer to the kitchen*

*the women reach the kitchen meeting at the gray marbled counter top island centered in the cooking paradise with mahogany cabinets*

Patty: It’s been almost 15 years.  I see something like this in your near future *she assuringly winks with a smirk after sitting on a stool  and pours  2 glasses, 1 after the other*

*the 2 women clang their glasses then take a quick sip of their wine*

Corrine: I hope so. It’s only been 6 months, but I’m ready for my guy to pop the question *in a serious business tone*

Patty:          Well have your fun in the meantime. Some guys forget how to love you after years and years of being together. *her usual constant smile turned to a serious straight line*

Corrine:                                                                               I know. I hear that a lot, but I think he’s the one *slight smile*

Patty:                                      My husband was the one.  *pause* I’d think about him and smile to myself *pause* it seemed like we were mentally and emotionally connected because moments later he’d call *she stares down towards the counter stuck in a longing gaze* but that was young love *she says as she snaps out of her stupor*

Corrine: *smiles & cheerfully shrugs*

Patty: Get your guy and seal the deal! *gulps wine, then smiles at Corrine*

Corrine: Thanks! *smiles*

Patty:                        I noticed my husband acting a little different on and off over the last 2 or 3 years. Just always be on your P’s and Q’s *she says, then chugs the whole glass*

*the sound of the automatic garage door opening followed by the closing of a car door echoes through the first floor of the house*

Patty: Ha! Speaking of the devil. *she directs to Corrine with a sly expression* Jay I’m in the kitchen *she announces in the direction of the door leading from the garage*

Patty:                                I want you to meet my husband then we can eat *to Corrine*

Corrine:                            Sure!  *nods head up and down*

*both women sit still as if time would stop while anticipating the third person’s arrival*

*the male voice loudly calls to Patty, it gets louder as the foot steps get closer*

Jay: Honey, I won’t be home for long. Bobby is at the bar waiting for me. He’s bummed something dealing with Nancy again.

Patty:                                                                                     Oh no not again! *she calls back to the empty door space awaiting her conversation mate’s arrival*

Corrine: *Listens to the conversation. She keeps her back facing the empty doorway to not seem intrusive in the discussion between the married couple*

Jay: Yea…so, I’ll just grab a bite then head back out *he reaches the doorway and stands in place in the threshold*

Patty: Meet one of my staff members…*her open palm gestures towards Corrine sitting across from her*

Corrine: *smiling, swings her body towards Jay * Hi so nice to finally mee…Jason? *she squints her eyes in a questioning manner*

Patty: Yes, Jason, our family calls him Jay though *still in introductory mode*

Jay: *smiling while nodding his head left to right*

Corrine: *holding eye contact with Jay her eyes  slightly well up*

Patty: Honey, this is the young lady I’m going to promote *she says to Jay while smiling at Corrine*

Jay: Congrats young lady *He replies in a counterfeit representation of being genuine*  I’ll be on my way now *he swiftly scatters towards the garage*

Patty: Yes, you should be proud *she gives a bona fide smile to Corrine*

Corrine: *tears well up in her eyes* Thank you

affair

 

 

 

 

 

Fighting the setbacks

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5:00 am (alarm clock sounds obnoxiously)

A feminine apple shaped body connected to a chipmunk faced lady turns her head towards her left shoulder to view the morning darkness. She glares out the beige curtain-dressed window. Rolling her eyes, she extends her right arm at the night table next to her bed, swinging it to end the buzzer.

Her: *soft yawn while staring at the ceiling*


Her: Babe (pause) babe *she whispers*

Him: *his back facing her* *body laying still and unbothered*

Her: *her left hand uses a soft pressure to nudge his shoulder*

Him: *deep tired mumble* yes sweetie

Her: don’t forget to wake the kids and get them dressed. My trainer is waiting to torture me *she giggles, and then slowly sits up and swings her feet to the floor*

Him: Arrrggghhhh alright *in a loud yawning voice*

Her:                                             and don’t forget their oatmeal for breakfast. Their lunches are packed.working-out

Him:            YEP! * with sarcastic enthusiasm while stretching to rise from the bed*

Her: *walks to the lounge chair in the corner of the room while stripping of her nightie* I’m serious. No more pastries or big slices of cake for breakfast. I don’t want our kids to be obese.

Him: *grabbing her naked body from behind and hugging tightly while mumbling into her neck* I don’t see a problem with that

Her:                   *flattered and blushing* arggh really babe! come on we’ve discussed this before. This will make me feel better. Plus I want to look good for your sister’s wedding this summer. No more Shamu standing behind the skinny chicks in pictures. *she wiggles out of his hold and gathers the workout sweats and t-shirt  from the chair to put on*

Him:*sighs while watching her walk away* Well I hope you and your aerobics teacher have a nice time pumping iron or whatever it is you do.

Her:                                                                                        ha ha! it’s cross-training Mr  Ex -High School jock. Time has been catching up to you…and your beer belly. *she smirks while grabbing her gym bag and water bottle*

Him: *looking down in a wide legged stance*   I thought you liked my hairy gut *patting his stomach in a goofy manner*

Her: see you later. Love you *she announces loudly while making a beeline for the front door of their 2 bedroom apartment*

*a hint of giggling children stirs in the background*

Him: I love you too baby *he announces back* Oh, babe I forgot to tell you…

Her:                                                                                                                                          OhMyGosh babe what is it? *she pauses in her tracks, and turns to make eye contact with her husband*

Him: *he continues* I forgot to tell you Kevin is supposed to bring in cookies for the bake sale. Nothing store bought.

Her: *loud sigh* call your mom. I’m out the door right now

Him: actually mom’s knee is still bad. She can’t stand honey.

Her: I have to go babe. You’ll figure it out *opens door to leave*

Him: We can’t send Kevin to school without the cookies. We signed up for this.

Her: *closes door, drops the gym bag at her feet, kicks sneakers off, walks into kitchen, grabs supplies from fridge, pulls hair into ponytail*

Him: *saunters back into bedroom, calls over his shoulder while walking away* yea do your aerobics step mess some other time

Her: *mumbles, as a pea sized tear speeds down her cheek from her eye* this is why I still haven’t lost the weight

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t wait

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*What better way to ponder my life than to blog while watching Bridgett Jones’s Diary*

Anyone who knows me well knows I’m an impatient person. I don’t fear putting in work. Working towards a goal awakens my soul. At times, I get anxious and anticipate the end result of goals, or plans. When I want something, nothing stops me from honing in on it and making it mine – not even time. So, no, I do not have a resolution for 2017.  I get started on all the revamping of myself as soon as I decide on something I want.

No one should wait for the year to change to announce new versions of themselves.

We miss out on accomplishing our goals because of factors that we allow to outweigh our personal needs. I’m not saying to disregard your responsibilities, but you can’t be the best version of yourself when you let people, places, & things (insert elementary school flashback to discussing nouns) stop you from desired accomplishments.

I have a long list of things I’d like to change about myself. Some can take weeks to months and others can take years. I just know that announcing it to the world can be an invite to haters wishing for the worst outcome. So, I keep quiet. Only a handful of people usually know what’s going on with me.

Things I’ve accomplished through staying quiet.

  1. Traveled more
  2. Bought my home
  3. Got out of my career rut. I’m happy and now know how I want to grow in my field
  4. Freshman 15 dropped – while still in college
  5. Published writing in books and on websites.
  6. socializing more – I accomplished it but I’m happier as my introverted self