I don’t wait

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*What better way to ponder my life than to blog while watching Bridgett Jones’s Diary*

Anyone who knows me well knows I’m an impatient person. I don’t fear putting in work. Working towards a goal awakens my soul. At times, I get anxious and anticipate the end result of goals, or plans. When I want something, nothing stops me from honing in on it and making it mine – not even time. So, no, I do not have a resolution for 2017.  I get started on all the revamping of myself as soon as I decide on something I want.

No one should wait for the year to change to announce new versions of themselves.

We miss out on accomplishing our goals because of factors that we allow to outweigh our personal needs. I’m not saying to disregard your responsibilities, but you can’t be the best version of yourself when you let people, places, & things (insert elementary school flashback to discussing nouns) stop you from desired accomplishments.

I have a long list of things I’d like to change about myself. Some can take weeks to months and others can take years. I just know that announcing it to the world can be an invite to haters wishing for the worst outcome. So, I keep quiet. Only a handful of people usually know what’s going on with me.

Things I’ve accomplished through staying quiet.

  1. Traveled more
  2. Bought my home
  3. Got out of my career rut. I’m happy and now know how I want to grow in my field
  4. Freshman 15 dropped – while still in college
  5. Published writing in books and on websites.
  6. socializing more – I accomplished it but I’m happier as my introverted self

 

 

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This is THAT birthday blog

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My birthday is this week.

I hate to be cliché and post  mushy BS that people say on their Facebook posts, but I’m elated to see another year of life. gen-collie-smallz-david-jenn-ben

Instead of bragging about my fabulous birthday outing I had with friends last weekend; I’d like to reflect on some realities I learned leading up to this birthday.

  1. Having a birthday so close to Christmas sucks. It is difficult to get people to celebrate or even remember your birthday when a major and expensive holiday is 4 days away. The friends who do matter will remember your day. This is not an attempt to pull guilt from those who didn’t join me – I’m thankful for everyone in my life.
  2. Don’t share the iCloud with your mom. It is the weirdest experience to witness your texts opened before you’ve seen them. Lucky for me, my mother is open-minded and was able to laugh at the raunchy memes I share with friends. Poor girl was looking for male nudes.  She’s on her own cloud now (whew!)
  3. Keep your dreams and goals to yourself. Of course, share it with people who you can rely on for moral support, but you can’t trust everyone. I achieved 2 major life’s goals in ONE year. On my previous birthday I promised myself to achieve at least one goal by my next birthday. I got both checked off the list! I think staying tight lipped about what I saw for myself kept negative comments and poor wishes from others at bay.
  4. BE UPFRONT! I let people say and do hurtful things to me. I let their poor acts slide. I let myself regret not putting a stop to it – until recently. I’ve lost a few friends by giving back the same fire that burned my ego, but being a flame breathing dragon has become a fun hobby.
  5. Life is precious. Do MORE of what matters to you. Screw what people think. Buy the sexy dress, order the lobster, book the trip, take the dance class, and indulge in laughing at the sarcastic memes. If you’re not hurting anyone or putting yourself in debt go for it.

How deep is your love?

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“…how deep is your love…” by the BeeGees is melodiously ringing in my head. It’s a wonderful earworm.

I’m still single. (Womp womp) Only part of me remembers what would trigger me to walk away. Lately, I’ve been listening and observing relationship breaking points. Trust is the main theme most people leave. What I do know for sure is if you are constantly uncomfortable about your relationship it is because it’s time to leave it.

Below is a list of situations I’d definitely walk away from, but still see people stay. Actually, they complain, but stay. Are these issues worthy of working things out and calming any inner anxiety?

  1. Your girlfriend/boyfriend parties A LOT. You’re not invited, but  you’ve given up the party life because you don’t see a use in all that spending and you’re done looking for “the one”. Does this mean your bf/gf is still looking?
  2. Your new love has clearly made you a part img_3606of their life: over night stays, you’ve met their mom, you’ve gone on family vacations, you’re always together. Somehow, you’ve managed to be a ghost on their social media account. If it was up to you; you’d at least be included in that hiking pic they posted on their wall. Lover, claims it is best to keep everyone out of their private business, but you sense they want to not miss a chance with someone else. Should you trust your gut?
  3. Bae, who you think about all the time is getting a divorce – hopefully soon.  He sleeps on the couch in his marital home and is only there for the kids – so he says. He anticipates the end of his marriage to be with you, but has family outings and double dates with his wife on a weekly basis.
  4. It hasn’t even been a full year, but this person is “the one” you’re ready to propose. So, you squeeze out enough to buy a ring and get your forever started with this person. They explain they want to be with you, but don’t want to marry you.
  5. Bae has a “new best friend” – well not new; somehow after dating for 3 plus years you never heard of this person who needs so much quality time with bae. Bae won’t be back until 8 or 9am tomorrow.

Not being in a relationship makes it easy for me to say I’d give up and walk away. The relationship situations above are still holding people wanting love hostage. How many strikes does each scenario deserve until it’s time to give up?

 

 

Zombie Love

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Weird confession: I am highly entertained by my dreams about zombies – err uhh nightmares.

About once a month I have a random dream where I’m kicking zombie a$$.  I don’t love zombies I’m freakin scared of them, but something about running from them, and whacking their heads off to stay alive brings adventurous excitement to my mind while in a slumber.

Most of my zombie dreams consist of me noticing people start to turn into zombies, then I start to run and kick undead butt, along with running to safety I’m helping other people stay alive and escape the undead population.

Side note: as I proofread what I’ve typed out I’m laughing at my own goofy a$$.

Over the summer I had 2 hilarious zombie dreams. 1st one, I was on the set of Orange is the New Black and a few of the actors and I were avoiding other actors who were turning into zombies within the set which is a real life jail/mental institution. 2nd dream I was at the mall and people were turning into zombies. 2 other girls and I joined forces to postpone our shopping spree and get out alive.

What the Eff is wrong with me?!

What I do like about these dreams – possibly nightmares- is that I’m always fighting to get out alive and end up making my way to my destination. For me it’s symbolic of me constantly fighting to live life to the fullest. For most of my life, I’ve done what I felt like: changing college majors, packing up and traveling for work, trying out for out of state sports teams, going on a solo vacation. My motto: You can’t let yourself fall into the dull day-to-day that pleases others. I find myself getting stressed out when I allow ignorant people’s words to get to me. So I have to continue to do what matters to me which is to fight for my life and to live it the way I want – or end up a lifeless zombie.

live life to the fullest

Olympian? Me?! (blushing)

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Here’s how…

1 . Every hectic morning, after walking to my car, placing my purse and briefcase in the front passenger seat and ready to drive to work … It takes 8.5 seconds for me to run back inside the house to grab my lunch, sunglasses and lip gloss then sprint to the car to drive off. – Sprinting

2. It takes 10 nonchalant selfie snaps for me to get fed up with my lack of talent and not post any of the photos. – Photography & Modelingwinning_fullpic

3. I’ve managed to be miles away every single time a delivery guy, or contractor has called to tell me they are almost at my home. Does walking up to my door after they have rang my doorbell count as on time? – Time travel

4. Yesterday, I went to PepBoys to see about the low air pressure light blinking in my car. Turns out I had a nail in my tire. The light was blinking for about 2 weeks. Since I managed to beat a tire blowout I consider myself WINNING! – Race against time

I trained my whole life to be good at these things

My big cousin Hazel (Peachy) Clark is a REAL 3x Olympian in Track & Field. She’s currently in Rio at the Olympics – not competing –  but I’m so proud of her. Look her up on Instagram , Twitter, & Facebook . Tune in to her show Heart to Heart with Hazel Clark!

 

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@Hazelclarktv  Hazel Clark 3x Olympian

I DID IT!

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No not that…

I mean I really made IT happen for myself in ONE year and I realized that it all came together exactly how I wanted.

Last week, I found a letter to me from me. Written a year ago. 

Background: July 2015, I used a website Futureme.org and wrote an email to myself – it was scheduled for exactly one year later for me to read.  I mentioned that I was newly single and needed to make better decisions when getting into relationships, that I wanted to get a permanent job that was more fabulous than my abfab  New York City gigs, and that I wanted to own my own home.

Stats:

  1. I’m single (womp womp), but I have dated a lot and managed to avoid red flags that could lead to drama that I cannot handle.
  2. I have a permanent job working for a company that I love.
  3. I closed on my home about 3 weeks agobuy a new home

It would be terribly embarrassing to have let a full year go by where I didn’t accomplish any of my goals. When I declared to the universe that I wanted to make better decisions in relationships, a permanent job that made me happy, and my own home – I knew I needed to focus to make it a reality. Thankfully the universe heard me and saw my efforts so it all became possible.

*Gloating* So glad I made it.

Click below for an inspirational video

When in doubt do it anyway – Paul Carrick Brunson 

Request for advice….

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I’m usually full of answers, but they are based on personal experiences or what I’ve witnessed.  Can someone please advise on the following:

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  1. I go to bed at 10pm most weeknights. How do I keep people from calling me with random B.S after that time? Even after they have been asked to refrain from calling. Business calls and family are the exception – they are usually more than random chit-chat.
  2. On average, I work 8:30am to 6pm. I love my job, but my daily tasks require a lot of focus. People text me asking what I’m doing. I reply that I’m at work then they get frustrated that I’m not able to carry on a long drawn out texting convo. Are they bored and selfish? am I unfriendly? do they need more excitement in their lives?
  3. Continuation to question #2 – Should I remove read receipts from my texting options? I like for people to see that I’ve acknowledged their messages, but it seems to make people paranoid that I haven’t continued a text convo into nothingness with “lol”, “ok”, or an emoji.
  4. Can someone create a FaceTime appointment app? It’s an anxious rush to rip out hair rollers and wipe off a detox face mask at the last-minute.
  5. My mother has become a retired teenager. Why am I the responsible one now? Should I threaten her iPhone privileges? The internet seems to be her influence – and I pay the bill.
  6. “Adulting” requires complicated planning and then tiring out after doing one or two tasks. How do I become Oprah to pay other people to do it all for me?
  7. Why is “You’ve Got Time” – the theme song to Orange is the New Black- the only song I’m good at twerking to?
  8. Why do I crush the hardest on gay boys? Why did God make them so hot and charming?
  9. Why are the Instagram vids of guys in wigs and lipstick so damn funny? Why can I relate to some of their wild women impersonations ?
  10. Why do my detox tea drinking regrets come in the middle of my good night’s sleep?
  11. Why do I feel like I’ve got my sh*t together when my bra and panties match? BUT  my toe and fingernail polish not matching still makes me feel like a boss? One set everyone sees; the other set my dog sees while twerking to “You’ve Got Time”
  12. Why does seven pairs of Victoria’s Secret panties for $27.50 seem like a lot of pairs until laundry day?
  13. Why do I believe my horoscope predictions only when it tells me good news?
  14. Why does grilled cheese taste so good?
  15. Why do holidays or paid time off days fly by whether I’m busy or bored?

Any good advice? Comment below

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