Death to Ms. VAL-entine

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A white shiny casket presents a butterscotch tinted female figure while somber chapel music plays. She lays at peace while the waves of her chestnut colored hair flow past her shoulders almost endlessly. Her Husband, Troy and best friend, Olivia stand nearby observing the lifeless shell that used to be Val.

“I can’t believe this is real,” Olivia whispers to Troy.

“Me either,” he replies. “I miss her so much,” he chokes on a sob and cups his hand over his mouth.

Inaudible, Val’s agonized soul explodes like a grenade, rattling through her bombshell frame.

WHAT  the FUCK  happened HERE?! I’m not supposed to be dead right now! I’m supposed to be burying Troy right now and living happily ever after – dating boy toys and going on shopping sprees. Arrrggghhh!

I’m too gorgeous to die….and who the fuck asked for daisies! Troy knows I only prefer red roses. Hmmph his cheap ass probably tried to save money. Even in my death he’s penny-pinching. He probably ordered carnations, but Olivia made him spend the extra few dollars…Liv…hmmm, my fave mechanic turned bestie always looks out for me. As for Troy,  I …bet…he… asked one of his boys to drive us all to the burial site in his old clunker Expedition. I can’t even die as the princess I’ve always been. Wahh!

Val’s body permanently rests,  but her soul is sleepless and rationalizing.

I don’t get it. How did my plan with Olivia fail?

Val reflects on what lead her to this rigor…mortis.

“So, tomorrow night,” Val whispers on the phone “I’ll go to do my usual grocery store trip around 7:30.”

“…and I will call the house telling Troy there’s been an accident and for him to come right away,” Olivia adds in.

“Yes, but make sure to stop by as soon as it gets dark to cut the brake line on the BMW, the black car” Val instructs.

I’m sure Olivia did it correctly.

Troy and Liv, admire in a daze on the dearly departed Val.

“I miss my wife so much,” Troy whimpers.

He turns, and bends at his waist towards Olivia. She quickly reaches up towards his shoulders to embrace him.

“Do you know what happened to her?” Olivia asks in a low murmur.

“Something about her brakes in her white Mercedes gave out,” Troy whispers back with a confused frown.

“…and your car is okay. Right?” she asks.

“No problems,” He blurts in between his whimpers.

“Oh,” she replies in a sullen tone.

Olivia continues her squeeze on Troy and gazes up to the  sunlight showing through the stained glass window. It spotlights onto the casket as Olivia’s eyes glisten in a bright beam, and her  frown turns to a delightedly sly grin. Val’s demise is Olivia’s prize.

Modern Day Cat Lady

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Standing in her dimly lit bedroom, Wanda,  an average height creamy caramel toned dame with  straight raven colored hair admires herself in the mirror.  She’s wearing a navy blue lace camisole with matching boy-short panties.

Full grown male cats roam her bedroom while she flips her hair and makes sexy pout facial expressions before snapping photos of her reflection.

“You’re a freakin vixen… you gorgeous cat lady”  says Wanda’s twin from the mirror admiringly.

The camera light on her smart phone clicks as brightness bounces off the mirror. The twin vamps  flirtatiously marvel at each other.

“Spinsters are never this hot” she compliments back.

Dexter, one of the cats, leaps off the nightstand and rubs his head on her toned shin after he reaches the floor.  Wanda slowly arches her back as she leans forward at her waist to pat and rub her dark gray feline.

“I’m so happy to still have you in my life Dex” she grins.

“I.

Have.

Seven.

Cats,” she says delightedly while scanning the room and glancing at each 

A long pause stills the twins.

Wanda snaps out of it…

Standing, she  lifts her body at it’s highest with the balls of her feet and twirls one round on her big toes. She releases and lowers her slim-curvy frame in a ballerina’s graceful flow. Her twin stills, holds gaze, and watches aroused by the pleasurable sight.

Wanda pauses after her pirouette and seductively smirks back at her twin.

“You’re right. I’m a hot a$$ cat lady” she chuckles.

Her twin’s lips move from pursed tight to a reassuring smile and up-down nod.

“I’ve been called so many hurtful things as a woman: whore, slut, thot…never a a sexy single bachelorette,” she rolls her eyes while speaking to her reflection.

Her smile turns grim.

“I’m having so much fun…

no I’m nottttt!” she outbursts as water fills like wells in her lower eyelids.

Her twin rolls her dark eyes upward while crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“I have my cats!” she protests.

Wanda takes a deep breath in; causing her shoulders to rise followed by a loud sigh. Her twin does the same.

She grimaces with a slight giggle while her twin stares confused by Wanda’s lame humor.

“For the last 7 years I’ve brought a new guy to family gatherings.  He attends the Halloween party, Thanksgiving Dinner, and even the Christmas Eve & Christmas Day family vacation…”

Her half dressed body plops sideways on her bed angling so that she can still admire her coke-bottle figure.

She props her head up with her bent right arm then tucks her hair behind her left ear. Her eyes keep contact with her image in the gold framed mirror.

“…then, like clockwork, right before New Year’s day; my new suitor tells me he’s leaving me. I do everything to keep him. I cook. I clean. I give more affection. My visual pain won’t even convince him to stay, ” she whines.

The well underneath her right eye releases a steamy droplet down her cheek towards her jawline. A daze takes over her and she’s silent.

Leo, her ginger colored feline leaps on the California King sized bed and slowly saunters his way over to her causing her daze to end.

“Then I use my sultry craft to keep them from leaving me,” she smirks.

Her  left hand reaches towards the cat to caress his back. He collapses next to her indulging into her touch.

“…and now we’re all living happily ever after. Right boys?”

“MEEEEEOWWWWWWW,” the cats all wail in unison

 

Do I smell love?

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I just don’t believe it.

I’m here. With him. In this king sized Egyptian cotton dressed bed.

Could this really be? Like any moment will I wake from this dream?

My head rests on his left arm as we lay on our sides and silently gaze at each other. His dark eyes blink quickly as if to not  miss a moment of watching me. My heart lives on my sleeve and expresses  through my mouth that can’t stop smiling.

“I love your eyes” Donovan breaks the silence.

My lips motion forward to meet his while my hand caresses his moist back.

“I love your lips” my voice whispers meekly.

My matching lace bra and panties are somewhere on his cherry-wood floor, but I was mentally prepared to go home last night – to my vibrator.

His free hand reaches around my pear-shaped frame and forces my body to his. Our bodies feel like one together while our sweat glides like wet glue between us.

His tongue invades into my mouth. 

“Mhmm” he moans.

His noise vibrates through my 5’5″ frame down to my pinky toes.

After a moment he pulls away and stares back at me.

Playfully, his fingers tickle across my stomach.

“Bwahahahha” I blurt out loudly while squirming.

He continues while amused at his control over my laughter.

“I can’t take anymore!” I yell while laughing.    “Bbbhhhhhhttt!” my a$$hole chimes in.

We pause. 

His eyes get larger, mouth wide open.

 My eyes squint and cringe. I can’t believe this is happening.

“Oh my Gah! Oh my gah! Oh my gah!” I whine while trying to suppress the smell under the sheets with my arms at my sides.

Donovan grabs the sheets and throws them over my head.

“Ahhhhhhh!” I squeal.

“HahHahahaa hahhahaha” he laughs. “Well I don’t want to smell it!”

“Hahhahahahah” I wildly giggle along.

“How does it smell?!” He continues to joke.

I’m nervous and embarrassed about this awkward yet humorous moment.

Our laughs settle down and we are left panting deeply from the moment.

After we both regain our composure; he hugs me and kisses me lightly.

I hope this means I’ll see him again.

Trikk Queen

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It’s been 5 months since I paid off my luxury condo with a view of the New York City skyline.

2 months ago, I sent my parents on a month long vacation to  Jamaica on my “lottery winnings”.

Last week, I hired a personal assistant who runs my errands, pays my bills, walks my dog, and sends slutty texts on my behalf to my lovers when I’m busy.

Before you assume that I’m a lazy pyramid scheme running, escort just know that I believe I have helped people control their substance abuse.

My rise to wealth started 3 years ago, as a prank. I decided to get my coworker/bestie, Nancy, high to loosen  her up at the company’s holiday party. After all the financial reports she organized and presented to our VPs; she deserved to have some fun.  So, after her small chat with her office crush turned sour I walked her to the restroom.  Awkward discomfort showed in her doe-like eyes. Hoping to ease the pain, I reached into my clutch with my index-finger and thumb to revel a tiny clear vial with a black cap filled with (pause) let’s call it a white powdery substance.

“I don’t know about this…”Nancy nodded.

Disregarding her comment I poured the substance onto the scoop part of my pinky finger nail. I could only base my actions on what I’ve seen on TV.

“Can I get in on that?”

A familiar voice requests from a distance about 3 stalls away.

Nancy tilts her head while extending her neck to see over my shoulder and I turn slightly to see where the  request is coming from.

I hesitated. “…get in on this?” I replied like an amateur.

The last stall door swung open revealing my director, Janis. Her sultry and intrigued eyes held gaze with me as her foot steps got louder when she came closer to us.

“I really need to get through this dull night” Janis said suavely when she reached our standing point of the bathroom.

I passed her the vial and she sprinkled a tiny hit onto the back of her left hand. We watched in awe as she brought her diamond dressed wrist closer to her face, held her right nostril closed with her right hand and vacuumed the dust up her left nostril.

“Ahhhhh” Janis sighed and fluttered her lashes ” Come have a drink with me before you girls leave”.

Janis checked her reflection, pinched her nose to grab the white excess and rubbed her fingers together until the powder disintegrated. Her slim figure swiftly glided out of the bathroom along with the taps of her four inch high pumps.

“Your turn” I gestured the vial at Nancy for her to give me her hand.

Reluctantly, she followed Janis’ same steps, but her attempt to be suave turned to uncontrollable  flinching and coughing.

“This better make me a rich bitch like Janis too” Nancy coughed.

I followed suit and couldn’t help to cough, flinch, and flicker my eyes as well. I was shocked by the sense of clarity my mind felt 10 minutes later. I couldn’t believe I cooked up a potion that had this effect.

Seeing it as a networking opportunity, we made our way to the corner of the bar Janis was standing at and chatting up one of the hottest guys from the office. My mental plan was to chat  and have a few shots with Janis before the night ended.

“…there you ladies are,” Janis smiled ” I was just telling Adam about how much fun you two ladies are.”

Without hesitation, “Would you ladies care to share?” Adam asked in a flirty charismatic tone.

The glisten in his eyes seduced my soul, but I played nonchalant.

I swung my hand forward “It’s so nice to meet you,” I smiled “I think I’ve seen you around before” We shook hands with the vial transferring from my hand to his. He grinned then walked away.

Nancy got the sense of courage she needed at the party. We effortlessly chatted up a few VPs and laughed about our night on the way home. I felt like a proud mom watching my girl passed out on my couch.

Next workday, my list of besties in the office had grown. Janis seemed to spread the word about me. VPs, Directors, and even the CEO knew my name not only because of my hard work in the office, but also for my overnight sensation of a side hustle. They assumed I worked for a man, but I was my own boss.

I had weekly private meetings with the CEO to discuss deliveries.

“Stella, your boss makes an amazing hit!” he  spoke in a low tone while shaking my hand “Last batch caused me to wake up not knowing where the f@#k I was” he chuckled.

People in the office hate me for my popularity. I, of course,  love the attention.

I’ve heard whispers from random coworkers as I walk by “…it’s like she’s got some kind of hold on them”.

Many don’t know why management plays favorites with me. It’s a simple formula: 3 parts baking soda, 1 part crushed baby aspirin. Harmless fun combined with legal substances. I’m not hurting anyone just fulfilling a demand.