When you miss her, it’s because it’s too late to say “I love you”

A dreary icy Saturday spotlights a bitter chill on a Suburban Cape Cod Cottage. The two-bedroom house homes a family that was once five – including a dog, but now holds four.
A 5’5” coily hazelnut haired girl lays face down on her twin sized bed. Her cheek lays flush on her lush white comforter. The opposite side of the room has a fully made day bed adorned with cushy pillows all around. On the contrary, it looks welcoming, but has a hint of cold unwelcoming air.
“I don’t miss my sister since she went away, ” Alyssa thinks to herself.
 Her mind continues to ponder…
I get time to be the only child now. It was annoying to always be compared to her.
“Alyssa you’re late getting ready for school again?!” my mom would say. “Why can’t you move faster or wake up earlier like your sister?” she’d scold.
It’s easy to not miss my sister. At night she’d giggle and smile on her phone at funny memes from her friends,
… and cute texts from her boyfriend. I’d lay in bed across the room watching her live- life – to- the- full-est while my phone felt cold and lonely with no one to even like one of my selfie posts.
I got 80 likes in one hour once, but it was a photo of both of us sisters. We had an adventurous day touring her new college campus that day. She introduced me as “Alyssa, her little sis,” I was proud of the title – especially since she finally stopped calling me her “baby sis”.
two person jumping on brown soil

Photo by Hakan Hu on Pexels.com

After that weekend touring her new school, I thought of how much I was going to miss her while she was away, but then  she “borrowed” my yoga mat, and didn’t put it back in its normal spot – leaving me to scramble at the last minute for my session. She thought it was funny that I was late to get my “Zen on” and laughed while driving me to my Yoga-Pilates class. I was angry. So, I went back to anticipating her time away at college in the fall.
By the end of summer, she was preparing for her new journey in life.
“Don’t forget to write!” I joked repeatedly while helping her pack.
“I’m excited for college, but…what are you going to do without me?” she somberly replied after my third jester.
“Oh…I’ll be FINE!” I enthusiastically exclaimed.
“…but who’s going to pick you up from school? Or help you with homework? Or look out for you?” She quizzed.
“oh…don’t you worry your pretty ole heart now…you git on outta here” I continued to jeer.
This week, my parents and I had Thanksgiving dinner. Her usual seat sat hollow and waiting for her goofy giggles, sarcastic smiles, and obnoxious chewing. Most college students are home this time of year with their families.  When I wished to be an only child, I didn’t wish for a drunk driver to take my big sister’s life. I do miss my sister.
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…just being a good friend

Namaste


“I just don’t know how we ended up here” Cassandra says.

She sits across from me on my navy blue couch. Tears well up under her jade toned eyes. My heart aches for my neighbor turned best friend.

“Maybe you two can try therapy again” I reply sincerely with a slight shrug.

“Yea maybe…” she says while tucking her strawberry-brownish hair behind her left ear.

“Well listen, you can stay in our guest room for as long as you want…my husband will be away at work for a few days anyway”

“I’d hate to inconvenience you Lorna”

Cassandra crosses her yoga toned legs then brings her knees to her chest and wraps her cardigan tightly around her frame – like a security blanket. The fetus shaped ball she has curled into is like an invisible bubble blown to protect her heart from anymore pain. While watching her, my head tilts to the right as I think – I want to cure her pain.

“It’s no inconvenience Cass. I’d love the company” I reassure.

Three years ago Cass and Mark moved in next door. It was a breath of fresh air to have her in my life. We went from “welcome to the neighborhood” to “let’s go workout” and eventually “how about a girl’s night out?!”.

To see Cass in pain hurts me to the core. Hearing that Mark has been cheating on her makes me wonder how blind and dumb he actually is.

“How about some hot tea?”

“Yea, sure” she sniffles. 

I stand and sashay my broad pear-shaped hips towards the kitchen sink then turn to watch her from the open floor planned layout.

“Peppermint tea ok?” I call over to her.

“yea that’s fine” she announces back while nodding  and blowing her nose into a facial tissue.

I grab the kettle on the stove and pivot to face the sink. My right hand lifts the faucet lever to release water into the  red teapot. 

My mind can’t help but to find itself in a daze. I reminisce about the first time I saw the slim toned yogi practicing her tree pose while her flowy ponytail lightly dusting across her ballerina  postured shoulders. I was sipping a new flavored coffee while seated at the breakfast bar and admiring her as she practiced in her back yard. The morning brew warmed my soul and her presence heated a desire in me. Such a sweet soul should be given all the world has to offer.

Mark doesn’t deserve her. He can’t love her the way I know I can…

“I sprinkled in raw sugar for you…” my bare feet slap the hard wood floor while carrying the hot mugs to the living room area to accompany my friend in need…