Dear Ex

Dear Ex,

After thorough consideration: you no longer deserve to date anyone of the human race – you lying piece of sh*t! I hate you. You ruined my life with your lies and manipulation.

No. Uhmmmm
Dear Ex,

After thorough  consideration: you only deserve to eat (diarrhea inducing) sugarless gummy bears and experience curdling in your stomach as soon as you kiss another woman. You’ll be forced to end the date immediately and run to find the nearest bathroom, but sh*t your pants before you reach the toilet

Uhhhhm…no…hmmm

Dear Ex,

I’m wishing diarrhea on your shitty soul for the rest of your life.

…Uhhmmm too easy.

Dear Ex,

With all that you put me through, you deserve:  severe stomach curdling from diarrhea every workday as soon as you reach your desk, for your fantasy football team to always lose, for your mom to call every time you’re trying to have sex, and  shrinkage. Yes! SHRINKAGE

UGH! no…what’s up with me and diarrhea?

Dear Ex,

You’re lame @ss deserves the dirty whore you messed with behind my back. Good luck to her for thinking she was stealing something great. She’s going to love washing your skid marked underwear, convincing you that your dick pics are sexy, and popping your butt pimples.

Nah…

Dear Ex,

I’m glad we didn’t last long because I don’t want to be around when your diarrhea starts. Your skid marks were already a level 10. 

I hope you never qualify for an iPhone upgrade. Ever. In. Life.

uhmmm. How about….

Dear Ex,

Your tattoos are corny. Your car is not as great as you think. Your man-shorts are NOT flattering. You brag about your money but you don’t have anything worth mentioning.  That dead tooth in your mouth offends everyone you speak to. You told me you were big – I was disappointed.

AND…Good luck with the diarrhea. 

 

Okay. Let’s try…
Dear Ex,

How’s the diarrhea?

hahahaha! ok…hmmm….

Dear Ex,

If you are living your life on the toilet; it’s because I’ve wished a brown, watery, splattering fate upon you. Karma!

hahahahhah!

 

Dear Ex,

I’ve concluded, you deserve: eternal diarrhea,  and SHRINKAGE whenever you blink your eyes.

OH! how about…

Dear Ex,

You hurt me and I hope you’re somewhere scared and wishing that karma doesn’t find you and drag you to the hell you put me through.

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